As you all know, the world is coming to an end on December 21st. I’m sorry if you had plans for later than that, you’ll have to check with your insurance policy if armageddon is covered in their refund policy.
Fear not, however : luckily for you advance planners out there, I have just now canceled the extermination of Earth.
You’re quite welcome.
You see, I was down with the Mayan crew and their oblivion story. I mean, why not ? Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, and if those beliefs mean that the world has got to end, well, okay.
It sucks, don’t get me wrong, I never was happy about it, but what can you do ? Deprive a whole people of their right to their own beliefs ?
I mean come on, they’re all extinct already, how much more suffering should they have to endure ? So I had to reluctantly agree to go ahead with the whole end of the world thing.
Until now, that is.
Mayans, we are calling the whole thing off.
Why the sudden change of heart ? I happen to have just received a little credit card-sized item from the French administration, which allows me to reside and work in France for the next ten years. Woohoo !
Now, I see you frowning over your computer screen. You are less than enthused by this news.
Ohh, but that is because you do not know the hardships that I had to go through to obtain this little piece of paperwork. You believe that dealing with the French administration is something that can be done casually, sashaying to the préfecture on your lunch break and getting everything done before it’s even time for your coffee… ohh, how mistaken you are.
Perhaps some day I’ll muster up the courage to tell you some of the more colourful stories from my dealings with the dreaded French Administration. Suffice it to say there is a reason why it rhymes eerily with the Spanish Inquisition.
Anyone who has ever dealt with this administration knows that any victory over the system – and by that, I mean succeeding in obtaining whatever paperwork you require – must be valued as an epic victory. Think declaring-a-national-holiday importance.
And so, now that I’ve actually gotten this ten-year resident permit, you can hardly expect me to just roll over, give up, and let the world end. My permit is valid until the 17th of November, 2022, and I intend to use it fully up to the very last day.
So, everyone, you may now resume planning for Christmas, New Year’s, your next summer holidays, your retirement, funeral plans and whatnot. I am hereby officially declaring the end of the world postponed.
Anything after November 17th 2022, however, is up for grabs and fine by me.